Sunday, December 5, 2010

onion article titles I would make if they took submissions

man in office fails to actually laugh out loud despite typing "LOL" to co-worker.

Iraq fails to be surprised by Dick Cheney's "surprise visit".

Terror Alert system uses similar color code system as McDonald's to stress urgency.

Marianne's Mexican Food deliver guy wins tour de france in leather looney tunes jacket.

Michael Jackson fails to "Beat It".

just realized

just realized that almost my post titles will be similar to facebook, "holy fucking shit this is amazing", "oh my fucking god", basically oh and fucking cover it pretty well.

Forgot I made this..

Forgot I made this fucking thing, a while back. Having a blog has always felt like saying to someone, "I'm Important". It's like handing them your card and saying, "let's do lunch",
if you want to suck my dick some time, here's where you can find it.

On the other hand it seems like a nice way to do some writing, share thoughts, new work and whatever the fuck else.

Today's laugh: I read that someone once asked Hunter S.Thompson what the sound of one hand clapping was and he slapped them in the face.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

the gods must be crazy


so i'm sitting on the subway platform and waiting for the R train when i look down and notice a strange lil packaging. I ignore it but as the time spans i find myself curious again. I pick it up.
Its a tiny zip lock back with 5 smaller zip lock baggies with lil New Era logos in each and some sor of wax paper. So i put it together and figured a dealer had dropped it. Though i wondered at first if they were tattoos. I think the new era logo was the brand of the dealer, also a popular cap in hip hop community, pretty clever i say. So i take the subway with five dimebags of cocaine and get off and give it to the cops. They didn't know what it was, but eventually they took the cocaine and my
information. I said I was afraid to hand it over for fear of being in trouble. The cop laughed and said you did the right thing and asked if i had anymore. I said nope, just a bud and a sprite zero, my essential fuel for the fire when in the studio. We laughed and i was on my way, sorry to offend any coke fiends but that shit is something i am not adding to my repertoire.
I have found shit before, weed here and there and i can't help but wonder if the gods are trying to tell me something. If so i'm not listening i'm gonna stick to drinking bad beer.

Friday, November 28, 2008

loving this fucking song

The Empyrean, is a new John Frusciante album soon to release on Jan. 20th. Any of my friends will tell you i'm like an asberger's kid near a rotating fan when it comes John Frusciante. I will save you the endless praise and enthusiasm i have in regards to what he represents for me. However give the song "unreachable" a listen at his myspace page.   

http://myspace.com/johnfrusciantemusic



Saturday, November 22, 2008

is that a lime in my drink


so i'm watching a movie in my bed. A great fucking movie by the way, "the weather man". I can't believe after laughing my balls off to highlights from wickerman, that nicolas cage cage actually made me laugh with him not at him. Anyways as i take a sip from my bud bottle, i feel what seems like a chunk lime, though why would i put a lime in my bud? I spit it out and notice its a roach. I went to sink immediately and starting gagging and puked some. I considered gargling bleach. Part of me was laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing. My nice little evening at home has turned into the poor mans, man vs. wild.